The Grace of Palm Sunday

Egyptian Coptic painting, artist unknown

Over the years, I’ve had a profound ambivalence to the Palm Sunday Story. On one hand, it is so profoundly significant that Jesus seems to go out of his way to signal that his power is not power as commonly wielded in this world (Oh that we, the church, would come to our senses!) On the other hand, these crowds that shout “Hosanna” will soon be shouting “Crucify Him.” Even his disciples will soon betray, let down, and deny him. 

If we are honest, we acknowledge that we would have been no different. We would have betrayed, denied, and abandoned him also. Additionally, we confess that we are often double-minded, half or hard-hearted, that we are sinners, frail, so often miss the mark. How is it that we can rejoice and shout “Hosanna” without being confronted with ourselves, hypocrites that we are?

This year the Lord has opened my eyes in a new way to see the grace of Palm Sunday. Jesus sees the crowds that come out to welcome him. He sees them and loves them and knows them. He knows how shallow their adulation is. He sees knows that they will soon fall away. He sees how the evil one is at work sifting them, distracting them, tempting them. And yet he loves them and receives them. He receives their worship. Jesus is the Lord of Heaven and Earth, the Holy and Anointed One, the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and so on and so forth.  It is only right that our praise and worship be directed to him.

Here is the grace: Jesus receives us; Jesus receives our worship, no matter that we are double-minded, no matter how meager and half-hearted it is. Our praise and worship cannot stand on its own. On its own, it comes to nothing. But Jesus welcomes it, receives it, and that is grace. And in this grace, we are invited to give ourselves more and more, in joy, in love, because his desire is for his people.

This grace, revealed to us on Palm Sunday, is the same grace that makes our life in him possible. This same grace welcomes us to the table each week, welcomes us into prayer each day, welcomes us to live our life in him, each moment, each minute an opportunity for communion.

So let us rejoice, come as we are, join the parade. We are welcomed; we are received; we are loved. That is grace. That is the grace of Palm Sunday. This is the grace of our life.

If you are interested in praying the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius with me starting in September, please contact me.

Ignatian Discernment with Mandy Smith

Ignatian Discernment: A few thoughts on Christendom and a wonderful video.

There may have been a time when what it means to be a faithful Christian was set in stone, clear, and unshakable. In a time of Christendom, our faith, discipleship, even scripture was unambiguous, abundantly clear, locked down, and completely figured out. This clarity and confidence was likely a lie, a temptation the church has given into for far too long.

Now that Christendom is shattering, we can discover the joy of discernment. When everything is not pinned down and codified, we have the opportunity to discern, to say that we don’t know, that we need God to lead us. We have the opportunity to depend upon God, seek the Father, and discern our loving creator’s will. We may get to rediscover the Holy Spirit, or count on Jesus resurrected and present with us on a daily basis.

As a spiritual director trained in Ignatian discernment I get to walk with people as they ask the real questions of their life, help them notice God’s work and movement in their lives, and discover the joy of a life lived in radical dependence on God, one that is always needing to discern.

In the coming months, you will be hearing more from me about Ignatian discernment as go through the Ignatian Exercises again, and I dive deeper into this theme for myself and in my spiritual direction practice. But for now, I want to share with you this video created by Mandy Smith. This is not overtly Ignatian, but I think you will find it provocative as you consider discernment and seeking the Lord. I’d love to hear any thoughts or responses you may have to this video, the theme of Ignatian discernment or my reflections above.

Enacting Discernment with Mandy Smith

If you are interested in praying the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius with me starting in September, please contact me.

Where were you, Jesus? A double-edged question for spiritual healing

Many Christians go through life unable to honestly dialogue with God about the disappointments and hurts they carry, overwhelmed by the pain and brokenness of the world and the traumas they have personally survived. We’ve been taught that we have no standing to question God, that everything happens for a purpose.  We may fear that asking the question will start us on a path of deconstruction where we might lose our faith, and besides, talking about these things with God requires a level of intimacy and trust that we may not have or feel ready for. 

As a spiritual director working with someone who has been through significant trauma, loss, or suffering, I want to help them get to a place where they can honestly address their hard questions directly to God in prayer, in their own authentic, unsanitized, messy way. Often a significant step forward is when they can articulate those hard questions to me in a spiritual direction session. Once they are able to articulate these things to me they are almost always able to respond positively to my invitation, “would you be willing to say to God directly what you just said to me?”

They may pray something like, “Where, were you, Jesus, when my mother died, when my parents neglected me, when my church hurt me when systemic injustice was so destructive? I know you are good. I know in my head that you love me. But that flies in the face of my experience. I went through hell and you were not there, you didn’t save me from this suffering, you didn’t intervene.” 

Being able to articulate “Where were you, Jesus?” in prayer, even in an accusatory way, is a huge step forward spiritually because it is a huge step forward in relationship and intimacy with God. If you are a parent and your teenager is mad at you and hiding in their room, refusing to come out, you wish they would just come and talk with you directly. That’s how God feels as well. God wishes the older prodigal son would just come talk to him about his resentments. God longs for us to be willing to address our grievances with him.

When someone brings these hard questions to God, notice that nothing about their trauma has changed and their question has not been answered, but something profound has happened. Saying “Where were you, Jesus?” clears space in their relationship with God, space for God’s work, space for healing, space to listen to God. People typically feel emotionally lighter, with a sense of release. The burden of holding back that question has been heavy, and they often feel immediate relief. I imagine Jesus smiling at them, so glad for this step forward in their relationship. 

Stating their accusatory question, “Where were you, Jesus?” allows them to begin a season of engaging the same question in a new and inquisitive way. “Where were you, Jesus? I didn’t experience you there with me, Jesus, but I want to be able to see how you were with me, how you were at work, there in my time of trial.” 

Jesus is always with us, at work loving us, caring for us. And Jesus has always been there with them, even in their time of trial. Often the directee has already named some of the ways he was with them as they told me their story, people God brought into their lives to support them, ways they were provided for, etc. Asking their accusatory question now gives them space and openness to see anew how God actually was with them. The question “Where were you, Jesus” takes on a whole new meaning. 

Some of the ways that God was with them in their time of struggle will become clear as they review their story asking this new inquisitive version of the question. But God is also alive and speaking to them and may reveal things that were not apparent in their history. Sometimes I invite directees to take some time in silent prayer and listen to see what God might say, and I’m continually amazed at what God does in those times. God may say nothing, but give them a sense of peace. God may tell them that he loves them. God might say that he is so sorry for what happened to them, that he didn’t want that to happen. God might give them an image of him with them during their time of trouble, holding them, weeping with them. Etc, etc.

In my experience, the accusatory question of “Why did you let this happen to me?” often is not directly answered and does not completely go away, but they experience a deep sense of God’s love and care for them, that God has been with them, and the accusatory question no longer is of primary importance. They know God’s love and care for them in a new way. Their relationship is unclogged, and they begin to experience more healing and freedom.

In my own experience, praying the Ignatian Exercises with a daily heart to heart with Jesus has been a context that God used for me to ask this double-edged question. I see now some of the ways God has been using it in my life. But it is an ongoing joy to see God doing this work in my directees, deepening their relationship with God and expanding their terrain of freedom.

© Dale Gish 2020. All Rights Reserved.

If you are interested in praying the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius with me starting in September, please contact me.

Entering The Joy Of The Resurrection In A Time Of Pandemic

The Resurrected Christ, an icon by Marie-Paul Farran, O.S.B.

Entering The Joy Of The Resurrection In A Time Of Pandemic

It’s Easter. Christ is risen. It’s a time of joy and gladness. Or at least it’s supposed to be. We celebrated Easter by Zoom this year and it just wasn’t the same. We didn’t feel that same fullness of joy. We were not surrounded physically by our brothers and sisters in Christ celebrating the resurrection. But we did feel Easter joy, our hearts were warmed, we celebrated and rejoiced. 

But now, a few days after Easter, the joy is fading. Eastertide is being overwhelmed by working from home, people dying alone in hospital beds, economic hardship, and politics of division and madness. How can we enter into and live in the joy of the resurrection in this time of pandemic? We want to rejoice, but to be honest we don’t have it within ourselves to remain joyful.

Jesus rises from the dead with joy not only to be reunited with his disciples, but he is also filled with joy to come to us, today, each and every one of us, right where we are. He loves us and delights in us, he is so glad to be with us. In the challenging places we find ourselves this Eastertide, he comes to us and he is filled with joy. And being filled with joy, he offers his joy to us. He is real and his joy is real. We don’t have to work harder to feel joyful. We don’t have to manufacture our own joy. Jesus has so much joy and he invites us to share in it with him.

Enter into the joy of the Lord! See Jesus full of joy and let his joy become contagious. Let his joy flow through you. May you be caught up in his joy, filled with a joy that is not your own, but becomes yours, through him.

Become these lines from Joseph Telow’s poem Free Indeed. 

You make me feel beside myself with surprise

My spirit glistens with your rising

I smile and smile with you

I am drowning in the laughter of your friends

Jesus is with you, welcoming you to joyful celebration. Even in the midst of your sorrows, even in the midst of this pandemic, he offers you his joy. Open the door. Welcome his joy in. And live a life full of his joy, the joy of the resurrection.

© Dale Gish 2020. All Rights Reserved.

This reflection comes out of the prayers of the Ignatian Exercises. If you are interested in praying the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius with me starting in September, please contact me.

Book Review: When Narcissism Comes To Church

In an individualistic society with a lot of individual and corporate brokenness, it’s not surprising that most of us can recount painful stories about people who have used us and wounded us, showing little concern for the damage they have done. We find it in our families, at our jobs, in our politics, and yes, even in our churches. We may not understand the psychological diagnostic criteria, its causes, or its treatment, but we have experienced the destruction and havoc narcissism causes. 

Chuck DeGroat’s new book, When Narcissism Comes To Church: Healing Your Community From Spiritual and Emotional Abuse published by InterVarsity Press, is an important resource for individual Christians and churches who want to understand, protect themselves from, and recover from the wounds of narcissism. It’s accessible for church leaders and congregants, providing us with a wealth of insight and a helpful framework on how to respond, and is deeply grounded in a vision of God’s ongoing work of healing and restoration. 

Are you the kind of person who should not read this book? Here is a helpful guide: If you want to keep your head in the sand and not see the emotional and spiritual abuses happening in our churches, don’t buy this book. If you would rather not become more aware of your false self and your own narcissistic tendencies, cancel your order. If you have been trying to avoid acknowledging and healing from your wounds from narcissism, there are thousands of other books to choose from. If you enjoy throwing your hands in the air and saying narcissism is narcissism and there is nothing to be done about it, then delete this book from your Kindle.  

But for the rest of us, this challenging book is well worth reading. This book helps us in so many ways: to better understand narcissism, to recognize the damage it causes in our churches, to become more self-aware of our own narcissism, as a step towards our own healing, to envision what a road to redemption might look like for the narcissist. 

Chuck DeGroat

A Wise Counselor, Teacher and Spiritual Director

Chuck Degroat has a lot of wisdom to share on the subject. He is a licensed therapist, a professor of counseling and Christian spirituality at Western Theological Seminary in Holland MI, and a spiritual director. For years, Chuck has been counseling both narcissists as well as those who have been victimized by them, and brings their stories to life, to help us understand the realities of narcissism and the consequences for families and churches.

A fascinating feature of this book is that DeGroat looks at narcissism through the lens of the Enneagram. The Enneagram is a tool for self-understanding and for examining the false self, which has nine basic types, and then many more subtypes as you get deeper into it. DeGroat takes these nine Enneagram types and looks at how narcissism gets played out for each of the nine types. Since most of us have some tendencies towards narcissism, it is fascinating to read through each type and to notice how your Enneagram type lives out Narcissism. The section on each Enneagram type also includes a story of a narcissist of that type. You will likely find yourself thinking of people you’ve met as you engage with these characters. 

Two chapters go deep into the characteristics of and the inner life of a narcissistic pastor. Again, DeGroat has illuminating stories of pastors and how that narcissism plays out in the role of a pastor. If you have ever experienced a narcissistic pastor these chapters will likely ring true and may be helpful for you in your healing process. Essentially DeGroat says to us, you aren’t crazy, that’s how it is like to interact with a narcissist, and here is what was going on in the narcissist that led to your experience.

Chapter 6 looks at narcissistic systems, churches that are either narcissistic themselves or have become narcissistic as a result of a narcissistic pastor. Simply removing a narcissistic pastor often doesn’t fix the problem as the dynamics in the church have to be reworked to become healthy again. You will likely find yourself reflecting on your own church experiences and dysfunctional systems in a new way. Again, I found DeGroat naming the dysfunction helpful to me as I reflect on my own church experiences.

There are two chapters that look at spiritual and emotional abuse in the church as well as steps that can be taken to heal personally and heal churches that have suffered under narcissistic leadership. DeGroat names the dynamics, abuses, and dysfunctions, but also has eyes of hope for the work of healing and restoration that God wants to bring to those who are suffering. The recovery and healing process is not easy, but DeGroat outlines the way forward towards new life. DeGroat has a pastoral heart and does an excellent job of naming the sin and brokenness but also the hope and healing work that God is at work doing. 

I found Chapter 9, Transformation for Narcissists (Is Possible) to be moving and deeply affecting. As a spiritual director, I get to sit with people and experience God’s heart for them, in all kinds of life situations. In this chapter, DeGroat models the ability to sit with narcissists holding the destructiveness of their behavior but also seeing them as beloved children of God, holding out hope for the slow, hard work of being transformed and growing into more of the fullness of who God has created them to be. 

This is such a gift to us as we reckon with narcissism, but also to us as we seek to be human, Christian, and embody God’s love in this broken world. Deep down we all want to be seen, known and cared for in this way. Thank you, Chuck, for this gift you have given us. I can already tell that I’m going to be reading this chapter many times. 

It’s been one week since I finished reading this wonderful book and this book continues to live with me. I find myself reflecting on my own false self more and what it would be like to bring more of it into the light. I’m already considering what pastors and churches I will recommend reading this book. This book will be an ongoing resource for me as I walk with pastors, church leaders and congregations as a spiritual director, and I think for many will receive this book as an enduring gift for the health and wholeness of the church.  

In Everything (including Coronavirus) Turn Towards Jesus

In everything (including Coronavirus) turn towards Jesus.

The Lord’s deep desire for us is that we receive his love. God is always looking upon each of us personally with a loving gaze, and we are invited to return his gaze and receive his love. So many things in our lives and in our world are broken (such as Coronavirus), not as God intends. But God is always at work, seeking redemption, bringing good out of evil. 

Jesus meets us right where we are. There is no need to be somewhere else in order to receive him. Often the first step in his redemption, in the midst of the brokenness and pain is that we turn towards Jesus and his love. Perhaps nothing in our situation has materially changed except we now notice his presence, experience his loving care. We are not alone. Jesus is right there with us and that changes everything. 

But where are we? Sometimes before we can know his presence with us we have to acknowledge the reality of where we are. We may be too busy reacting to or avoiding what we are facing that we can’t be present to the reality of our situation and to the Lord’s presence with us in that place. So where are you right now? What are you facing? What is your situation? 

Right now the Coronavirus may be a significant part of your situation. Are you sick? Are you afraid? Are you worried about your elderly parents? Has your kids’ school been closed? Is your job or your business at risk or your retirement plan evaporating? Are you separated from loved ones? Is your church canceling services or changing how it operates? Has your vacation been canceled or are you self quarantined in your house? Does it feel like the world is falling apart? Where are you?

As a spiritual director I want to encourage you. Here and now, right where you are, turn towards Jesus and welcome his loving presence. Let him meet you in the very place that you are. That’s the first step in what Jesus wants to do in your situation, whether that situation is Coronavirus or something else. And keep turning towards him. How will he care for you? What will he invite you to do in response? Where does he call you to love and serve? How will he involve you in his redemptive work in this world? Stay connected, always turning to him in whatever situation you are in.

Thank you, Asian American Christians!

When I cough in public no one pays any attention. But I have Asian American friends who experience people glaring at them when they cough. While the COVID-19 outbreak began in China, here in the US, I suspect people should probably be more concerned about a white guy like me than an Asian American. This racial stigmatizing is so terribly wrong and worthy of its own post. But this is not my primary point today. 

Today I want to say thank you to Asian American Christians who are leading the way to respond to this virus. In my sphere of life, the people I experience responding well, helping us be safer are primarily Christian Asian Americans.

At my church, a Korean American doctor is leading our response to COVID-19, to help keep others safe, and no, I couldn’t go to worship this week with my cough, and that was the right call. At my work, the Christian Chinese American founder of our company has us all working from home to keep others safe. And I watched a wonderful event held last night led by Daniel Chin, and a panel of primarily Asian American Christians in Seattle showing us the way for us to respond as Christians to COVID-19. 

So I want to say, Thank You! I will not glare at you. I will smile and be grateful for the good gifts God has given all of us in you. I see you. You are leading all of us, caring for all of us, helping us all be Christ-like and love our neighbors.
If you want to watch this helpful presentation by Daniel Chin and church leaders on the front lines in Seattle, here is the link. https://youtu.be/FuwBsHjOxgE

Faithful Aging: Responding to God's Call in Retirement Years

When Jesus was born there were people in Jerusalem who were longing for a savior, who lived faithful lives of service and expectation. Two of these people were Anna and Simeon (Luke 2:25-38). Anna was a widow who became familyless and lived her life praying and serving in the temple. Simeon was a faithful man who was filled with the Holy Spirit, who was told by God that he would not die before seeing the messiah. Both of them are there when Jesus is brought to be baptized and after years of faithful serving and waiting, they receive the joy of meeting Jesus. God received the gift of their humble, faithful lives and said in a way, “well done, good and faithful servants.” 

Simeon en Anna -Jan van 't Hoff

Our society provides us many examples of elders who are not like Anna and Simeon, who put their energy and longing elsewhere, who focus on themselves and live for comfort and pleasure. We need Anna and Simeon as role models, to show us a different possibility. For those of us who are middle-aged or younger, Anna and Simeon provide us wonderful examples of what it means to age well, to live out our lives yearning for and seeking the Lord. May we all become elders like Anna and Simeon. 

And so I ask, is it possible? What does this look like in our time and place? Who are the elders today who are like Anna and Simeon? Who do we know who live like this, giving their lives to the Lord, serving in humble devotion? Have a look at your church, open your eyes and you will likely see them. 

At my church, we have a wonderful couple, who embody Anna and Simeon in so many ways. Roy and Susie Wong. Roy and Susie are retirees who have not retired in the Lord. For years, Roy has volunteered as the bookkeeper for the church as well as several other ministries. For many years, Susie has been an elder, served on the session, has been in charge of setting up the paraments and communion elements at church, and has made the liturgical banners, always ensuring they are set up properly for the liturgical season. Additionally, Susie volunteers her time providing health care counseling for seniors and those in poverty. 

Roy and Susie

Filled with joy in the sanctuary

Together, they host small groups in their home, mentor those joining the church and constantly find ways to give and serve, behind the scenes, humbly and with little fanfare. When the church started a school, they were there, providing countless hours, doing things like accounting, providing snacks, tutoring, and leading learning labs. They do so many things that it seems like they “never leave the temple,” serving and praying night and day, just like Anna. 

I sense that the Lord delights in Roy and Susie, that the Lord receives their love, service, and devotion. He says to them, “well done, good and faithful servants.”

Roy at work

Preparing the snacks for Rise University Preparatory!

I’m grateful for Anna and Simeon, Roy and Susie. May their number increase! May we be inspired to offer our lives to the Lord in similar ways. May we who are younger become Anna and Simeon in our generation. May we long for the Lord’s salvation and experience that salvation breaking into our lives. May we hear from the Lord, “well done, good and faithful servants.”

© Dale Gish 2019. All Rights Reserved.

Praying Hell, With Ignatian Aikido

In the theme of sin in the Ignatian Exercises, we take on the remarkable task of praying with hell. As an instrument of spiritual growth, we imagine ourselves in hell, try to experience it as fully as we are able to. Why in the world would we want to do that? We’re supposed to be trying to avoid hell, after all, aren’t we? 

Ignatian spirituality has the same movement as Aikido, the Japanese martial art, where instead of pushing back against the attacker, instead you welcome the attack and let it become an advantage for you. And so it is with Hell, we fear hell, and try to avoid it. But in the Exercises, we are invited to welcome it, receive it, experience it, in order to grow our love for God.  

Imagine what it would be like to let your sin consume you, overwhelm you, destroy every good thing in your life, every joy, every relationship, every consolation. Imagine being filled with bitterness, malice, hatred, frustration, despair, lust, fear, dread, etc. Imagine being so consumed that you were cut completely off from God, who loves you and created you in love, so cut off that you could never praise and only curse him forever.

Then ask yourself is that good? Do I like that? Or do I like being close to, united with God? Let the absence of God and his consolation stir in your heart a longing, a longing for union with the Lord. Let this experience of hell lead you to cry out to the Lord your Savior, “I need you, have mercy, save me from the sin that only brings death.”

And as we approach Jesus on the cross, we are invited to open our hearts in conversation. “Jesus, you are my life, my hope, and my love. May I never have that taken away from me. Let me love you forever, not curse you forever. May I continue to open myself to your love and receive it. Make me grateful and joyful in the good gifts you give me. I am poor and weak and needy. Save me, Jesus.”

And Jesus responds to us with words of grace, restoration, and hope.  He says, “I am at work, leading you deep into your sin and will use it for good. Hold my hand and walk with me. I will cross every chasm, I will bring you to me. I will release you from your bondage and make you new.

Jesus takes us deep into sin, even into hell, and uses that to deepen our love, to free us from bondage and allow us to find new life and hope in him.

© Dale Gish 2019. All Rights Reserved.

This reflection was inspired by the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. If you are interested in praying the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius with me starting in September, please contact me.

Praying With Pain: Thoughts From Spiritual Direction

Praying With Pain: Thoughts From Spiritual Direction

The human body is fragile, and when we are injured or sick, we struggle with pain.  Whether we may be experiencing acute pain or chronic pain it affects us mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Let me be clear, pain is not good; it’s not a blessing. Pain is terrible. If you are suffering physical pain, as a disciple seeking to follow God, you can assume that the pain is not from God and God is not punishing you. It’s the evil one who wants you to believe that God is punishing you with this pain, and the evil one will look for any opportunity to use your pain to discourage you and separate you from God. 

But God is a redeemer and always seeks to bring good out of evil. God wants to use your pain for good. So how can God be at work in and through your pain? Here are some thoughts:

1. If you are in pain tell God about it. Pour out your heart to him; express your emotion. You may even find you are angry with God about this pain. It’s fine to be angry with God. God already knows and invites you to tell him. Tell him and then listen, have a dialogue with God.  See what happens. By your conversation, you will be connecting with God in the midst of pain. The evil one hates that. 

2. Pray for healing. Bring your need before God. Experience your need for God and cry out to him. God does not always heal, but you are encouraged to pray for healing and to see what healing he brings. If the Lord does heal you, receive it as a gift and give him praise.

3. This is a bit mystical, but you can ask Jesus to take your pain and merge it with the pain he felt on the cross, to let your pain become a sharing in his pain on the cross. Now your pain connects you even more deeply with Jesus.

4. You may find that in your pain you have been struggling to pray. You may have gone many days without having your regular prayer time. Maybe it’s been a whole week since your last prayers... wonderful!  Now we get to ask... Does God love you less? Of course not! You may be disappointed or ashamed of your lack of prayer, but God is not disappointed in you. You have an opportunity to know that God does not love you for your performance.  You have not been praying and still, God is loving you.

5. Having a life of prayer is hard. Life happens and the realities of our lives make prayer difficult.  The evil one would want you to give up. Instead, pick up your prayer again as you are able. In the midst of your pain, would you rather be close to him and experience his love or be distant and feel unloved?

6. Let God lead you. These are a few suggestions, but God at work in you knows what you need. God is very present to you and knows what you are suffering. Open yourself and let God meet you, let God speak the words you need to hear, to be present to you and to show you love. Let God reveal how he will use this experience of pain to lead you closer to him.

© Dale Gish 2019. All Rights Reserved.

If you are interested in praying the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius with me starting in September, please contact me.